I should be sleeping.Â Anna had one of those “growth spurt” nights last night –what was it? four times?Â Hungry as ever–gulping down faster then I thought my body could even produce.Â But I can’t go back to bed, my heart felt the need to speak–so it’s me, you, and Mr. Earl Grey this morning.
I don’t know why some days my heart goes to deeper places….. you know, the days where you awake with a sense that something within the tangles of your soul cannot stay the same.Â This one word floated to the top in me today:
I love that word.Â It’s cleansing, hopeful, simple, and oh so supreme in the scheme of life.
Why?Â For me, I picture life as one big bumper car chaos of relationships—all of us all in our own bumper car– driving around sometimes carefully and sometimes haphazardly around one another.Â Bumps are gonna happen–misunderstandings, expectations not met, hopes crushed, words off the tongue before they can be taken back…..
It happens all day long–at least in my neck of the woods.Â I have come to the realization that my heart is burdened by even the thought of people being bumped into.Â Which is completely silly–since it’s going to happen all the time whether I like it or not.Â So, in all honesty– what my ‘burden’ really boils down to is my lack of trust in people’s ability to forgive.
And this is the part I don’t get it.Â We would rather live with large concrete blocks in our hearts for the rest of our lives, then to give someone who offended us a chance.Â A chance to right the wrong, a chance to show another side of the story, a chance to be loved, and a chance to connect and celebrate our differences.
A whole lot of silent pondering going on today.
I truly wish our first reaction to hurt was forgiveness.Â OH, to be able to cultivate the ability and the will power to give one another the benefit of the doubt.Â Wouldn’t that be super awesome?
My good friend Shannon came over for a visit–and stayed all day–yup, I think it was 12 hours total we spent chatting about life, worked on photography stuff, and loved on baby cuteness.Â Shannon is one of those wonderful friends you can open wide your thought life up to–knowing she will fully embrace all the good, bad and the ugly.Â Â She will (literally she has) hop onto your hospital bed and snuggle right up to you— look you square in the face to see how you’re really doing.Â She couldn’t have come at a better time–and we talked.Â And it was good.
I also came to realize as we talked long into the evening, that I tend to bond the closest to people who offend others–huh, isn’t that funny?Â I love strongly opinionated people–who have a passion and zest for life–which ultimately usually ends with toes being stepped on a lot.Â No pain, no gain, right?
I love the clumsy people, the ones who love really loud and offensively.Â The ones who unknowingly smear their muddied shoes on precious, perfectly clean carpets—or who speak their mind often to the wrong crowd–just to stir things up a bit.Â I love them–I love them all.Â And I guess that’s why forgiveness is so vital to people like me.Â Because from time to time we ARE gonna drive our bumper cars like bats out of hell—and we’re gonna need some accident insurance, um, forgiveness to depend on.
And here is another thing you can always depend on from me–cute baby pics of our little baby Anna:
And just look who is sitting up!?Â Our now, 6 month old girl is getting mighty and strong–we just celebrated her half b-day =)
She doesn’t care for the taste of her toes too much yet.
Nothing like fresh baby chub to end a post with.
I know those little eyes will be watching me.Â Watching how I choose to love others–watching how I either hold onto grudges or let love win over in me:Â forgiveness.